


Not Quite Vor

by Lesserstorm



Category: Vorkosigan Saga - Lois McMaster Bujold
Genre: Character Study, F/M, Gen, Growing Up, Self-Discovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-17
Updated: 2015-12-17
Packaged: 2018-05-07 07:28:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5448242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lesserstorm/pseuds/Lesserstorm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Deportment isn't the sum of a girl's education when she grows up Koudelka. Few people stop to remember that quieter than Martya or gentler than Delia doesn’t mean particularly gentle or quiet.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Quite Vor

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Dancingsalome](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dancingsalome/gifts).



> Many thanks to kate_nepveu for beta!

Olivia is five years old when her mother teaches her to fire a stunner. She has been watching Mama train Delia and Martya as long as she can remember and now she screws up her eyes and squints at the target chamber, determined to show that she is old enough to do this.

She misjudges the strength needed and her aim jerks to one side, but Mama is there, reassuring words calming her down and gentle hands correcting her posture. The second time she fires, the target chamber flashes blue – with live charges and a human target her assailant would be unconscious and she would be able to escape.

Parental reassurance and gentleness mean something different when you are growing up Koudelka

*****

Growing up, Miles and Ivan are lordly figures, six years older than Delia, ten years older than her. Gregor, five years older still and bearing all the mystique of the Imperium, is impossibly distant. Yet even he will visit informally – or as informally as is possible in his position – when Olivia is young. It is hard to believe that not every girl’s mother has known the Emperor since his birth.

But Ivan and Miles are more frequently present, riding their ponies at Vorkosigan Surleau or running wild as teenagers in a city garden. They are remarkably tolerant of a gaggle of little girls following them around and trying to join in their games. What resourcefulness the Koudelka girls do not learn from their mother is largely learnt emulating these surrogate cousins.

*****

Olivia is quieter and gentler than her older sisters, or Kareen, the energetic and enthusiastic baby of the family. As the girls get older and society parties start to take place alongside school, it’s easy to be no more than Delia and Martya’s little sister. People see what they expect to see and when three or four blonde sisters flock together it’s easy to assign roles.

Few people stop to remember that quieter than Martya or gentler than Delia doesn’t mean particularly gentle or quiet.

Entering society is a curious business and Olivia will admit to being glad that Delia and Martya have trod that path before her. They are not Vor, but they are phenomenally well connected. If the Barrayar demographic timebomb had not made four young sisters such a desirable commodity, their rarefied connections with both Emperor and Prime Minister would have done so.

Olivia dances and flirts and gossips with old friends, but when people cut in with political motives, she retreats to the human shield of her sisters. They are tall and blonde, graceful and charming and if you can’t cut one of them out of the pack or press them on an important point, their height, grace and beauty may make you forget what you had intended.

*****

She likes parties, dancing, and moderate attention. She likes being part of a flock of Koudelkas. She was popular enough at school, but always had a smaller number of very close friends – and those friendships were not dependent on the close-knit nature of the school’s community, but have survived the transition to university and the wider world.

She did well academically and has just graduated university, but she never had Kareen’s thirst for knowledge and new places. She genuinely does not regret the accident of birth which means that Kareen is just young enough to apply for Tante Cordelia’s Betan scholarship, though she does miss her younger sister and partner in crime while she is away.

So she dances and parties, overshadowed a little by her sisters, but very content with her life. And if she sometimes feels that there must be more, that it would be good to have work that energised her, that engaged her full being, she does not know what that would be.

Had she grown up without Mama and Da’s connections, the middle-class daughter of an honourably discharged officer and potentially needing to support herself, she thinks she might have trained as an attorney. The order and precision appeals to one side of her character and she think she would have done the work well. But it would be foolish to suggest that order and routine is something she craves given she does not need to earn her own living. So for now she remains an ornament of Vorbarr Sultana society.

*****

She is fifteen when she first notices Donna Vorrutyer at a reception at the Palace. Her mother has been firm that Kareen is too young to attend, but Olivia is allowed to tag along after her older sisters. Her eyes are drawn to a tall woman – though not as tall as the Koudelka sisters – with laughing brown eyes and a brightly coloured gown cut far lower than Mama would consider decent.

Olivia blushes and stammers when she is introduced, then Lady Donna sweeps away in a mixed group of men and women, laughing about the potential of a different party to be more entertaining.

Lady Donna is lovely, but beyond beauty, she glows with life. She is in her mid-30s and has had three husbands – and far more lovers if the rumour is to be believed – yet she is also known to run all her Count brother’s estates. She is nearly 20 years older than Olivia and certainly not part of Da’s approved social set. As Olivia grows older, they are often at the same events when business lets Lady Donna return to town. They are rarely in close enough proximity to speak though – and Da would in any case likely have an apoplexy if she were to pursue that type of acquaintance.

Yet while Olivia hangs back, blends with her sisters, her eyes do frequently return to Lady Donna and she wonders “what if?” Perhaps she is simply enticed by a life another Olivia might have lived – an Olivia who is freer, wilder – possibly who enjoys herself more? – than the real-Olivia.  Or perhaps there is more to the attraction than she would like to admit.

*****

Olivia is twenty-one when she first meets Dono Vorrutyer at Miles’ disastrous dinner party. Tatya is distraught about the fallout from Rene’s gene scan and Olivia is on fire with indignation on behalf of her friends. But she is not blind to the attractive lean figure of Miles’ unknown guest. Then she sees the same dancing eyes that have called to her across parties and when Dono is introduced, the ghost of Donna is unmistakable.

Miles, of course, manages to completely sabotage his own courtship – the manner may be dramatic, but the result is no more than she would impatiently expect of him or Ivan. That, however, is pretty much a sideshow as far as Olivia is concerned. Starting to brainstorm the fight for both Rene and Dono’s Countships has energised her more than anything in adult hood. Faced with poor odds, but also with the prospect of making a real difference on Barrayar she knows she wants to be a part of this; Miles’ antics pale in comparison.

So as the party breaks up, she stays close with Tatya and is soon strategising as a key part of the Rene-Dono campaign for votes. She throws herself into the politics and over the succeeding days she finds a niche where she can leverage all her connections and social acumen to make a real difference. Dono’s sly smile and slim good looks are just the icing on the cake.

*****

The first time Dono refers back to an event they had both attended when he was Donna, she realises that she has slipped unknowingly across a boundary, that she has become one of his trusted inner circle. She blinks for a few seconds but manages to respond with a comment about Donna’s dress that night and the dramatic way she had left the party with three of her then-lovers.

A little while later, when Dono has been subjected to a particularly vicious tirade about how it is “women like you” dragging Barrayar into the mud, his hand reaches for hers under the table and squeezes tightly while his face maintains a cool and courteous mask of disinterest.

She finds herself deeply angry at people who assume that Dono will only ever be a joke as either prospective count or as a male lover. Don’t they see his good looks, his intelligence, his vivid energy, or do they just weigh them so lightly in the scales compared to being born with a Y chromosome? She is sure she will not be the only woman to find him deeply attractive.

*****

She knows herself well enough to realise that she is falling hard, but she can’t tell whether her interest is returned, or whether Dono simply must cling to what allies he finds. It would be unfair to press the question now, while her support may yet make a difference in his claim.

Her doubts are put to rest one afternoon in Vorbretten House. Rene and Tatya have slipped away for a few minutes and Dono is grimly running through the numbers again, numbers which simply are not large enough.They have fought a valiant campaign but they cannot do anything other than fall short. She knows the likely consequences for the Vorrutyer district and its people and Dono looks bleak.

She reaches out to touch his shoulder, just a compassionate gesture, but he turns to kiss her. His lips part hers and she is immediately on fire.

Dono is certainly not going to be a joke as a lover.

*****

As the vote approaches, Dono leans on her more. They have known each other such a short while, but their shared purpose and the immensity of what is at stake has driven deep emotional intimacy.

Olivia knows that if Dono becomes Count he will need a willing bride, able to move smoothly and competently through the highest ranks of Vor society.

She knows she would be both suitable and willing; she also knows that he genuinely feels for her.

She only hopes that if he does not become Count, he will desire her still.

*****

The first time she says “love” to anyone not part of her family is not a deliberate decision. It slips out in a dark garage, as Dono bleeds in her arms, her mother’s training in both weapons and hand-to-hand having borne fruit. Although she is very well trained, it is the first time she has fired a stunner with purpose.

*****

Olivia glows in the council chamber after the vote is cast and Dono becomes Count Vorrutyer. Miles and Madame Vorsoisson are the public romance and scandal of the day – and how typical of Miles that his love life could upstage not one but two huge political and legal precedents.

Olivia would in any case prefer to settle her romantic affairs more disceetly and Dono shows his appreciation enthusiastically once they are alone. He may want to be a virgin on his wedding night, but there are still things they can do together. His clever hands unbutton her clothes and hers explore the enticing planes of his body. She catches him in a kiss and he demonstrates just how devastating a man’s lips can be, both on her mouth and other parts of her body.

Da will be appalled that she is going to marry the former Lady Donna, but Olivia has chosen a husband who will give her both a public role and private joy. Kareen may be the Koudelka who gets to study on Beta and visit the Orb and Miles may be a the pseudo-cousin who lives his love life in a blaze of publicity, but she is deeply satisfied with her handsome, virile count.

****


End file.
